Thursday, January 7, 2010

Generic Love Poem. by Kirsty MacDonald

The Internet tends to crap out a lot of worthless refuse -- and the world of Internet poetry is no different from its brothers. If it's not endless amounts of regurgitated e.e. cummings, it's something much worse: "original" poetry, which, as the irony quotes probably give away, isn't very original at all.

Yet, sometimes a gem falls out, proving once and for all that, if you eat enough, without restriction, you will eventually crap out a precious stone -- or at least something worth one read. I found this poem through StumbleUpon, on a site called Hello Poetry. I liked it because, while it is ostensibly a love poem, it calls itself a generic love poem, thereby accepting and embracing the popular concept of the generic. Less grandly, it takes a simple hook, a little gimmick, and takes it to a satisfying and clever conclusion. Ta-da:

Generic Love Poem. by Kirsty MacDonald
Call a doctor/ plumber/ priest*
My heart is broken/ leaking/ deceased*
My life is worthless/ so much better/ over*
I'm going to kill myself/ tell your wife/ Dover*
How could you leave me/ not know/ lie?*
I hope you return my stuff/ come back/ die*
I'll never forget you/ forgive you/ go away*
I need closure/ a DNA test/ to tell you I'm gay*
Your face/ crotch/ top of your back*
Is so beautiful/ lumpy/ unusually slack*
Your ex/ mother/ best friend from school*
Always made me great coffee/ feel inadequate/ drool*
I will miss you/ kill you/ stalk you forever*
That way we can be friends/ get away with it/ be together*
I'm sorry you did this/ I did this /we failed*
I promise to pay you/ dye it back/ get you bailed
Please don't leave me/ show the Polaroids/ write or call*

(*delete as appropriate, just delete it all.....)

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